The Next Chapter

Nov 2023-Jan 2024

Photos will be at https://www.facebook.com/theimportanceofbeingrichie

Who knew that moving Richie into a supported facility would involve so much time for all of us!  I think I had the naïve notion that there would be less ‘admin’ to have to do but that is definitely not true!  There was paperwork and benefits to sort out; tenancy agreements, housing benefit, change of circumstance; Mum is down as the approved person to deal with all Richie’s benefits but I have Power of Attorney so really, I need to be the one to deal with everything; notifying the relevant agencies takes so much time – phone calls, emails, scanning the necessary paperwork, just finding the right people to speak to, to ask the right questions – none of it is simple.  I started it in November and am still waiting for confirmation that I am now approved.  Then I can notify them of the changes which took place in November! 

Add to that sorting out the right furniture from his stuff in storage and liaising with OT about specialist equipment; setting up a system for his shopping and for him to have cash that the new house can use; lots of questions about his likes and dislikes and how he reacts to certain things and above all making sure that all his needs are being met and his familiar and favourite things are with him.

He is slowly settling in. It’s not been plain sailing and he has reacted quite badly at times to his new environment, usually after we have been to visit as we probably stir up memories of home and confusion about why he isn’t there.  He was also ill with some sort of flu/virus over Christmas which didn’t help his general well-being.  He obviously felt unwell and was very sleepy.  He didn’t want to go outside; as it was so cold this might not have been a bad thing but a little bit of fresh air and sunshine (even winter sun) is so good for well-being that it was a shame.  However, January seems to have brought a slow turnaround and he has been out to the park and to town and really enjoyed himself which bodes well.

Christmas was a strange one for us all.  Mum went to visit her sister in South Africa, a much-needed break for her after the emotional year which we have had, and a chance to belatedly celebrate her sister’s 90^th birthday which was in August when there was absolutely no chance of Mum being able to get away.  The girls and I had a very relaxed time at home; we visited Richie as much as possible although Christmas Day didn’t quite go as planned. I visited him in the morning to open some presents which went really well.  But by the afternoon when we arrived with snacks and a game he was tired and overwhelmed and didn’t want to see us.  It was disappointing but Georgie and I had a wonderful time with him a couple of days later when he was feeling better, opening some more presents and looking at all the ones he had got, and Connie was able to visit a couple of weeks later when he was really pleased to see her.  

We have had several meetings with all the agencies who support his continued well-being. The learning disability team are worried that the supported living isn’t going to be beneficial long-term as his dementia progresses, but the other option is a nursing home which comes with its own set of difficulties – the main one being that he is classed as too young to go into many dementia specialist care environments.  His social worker is an advocate for him to have the opportunity to stay in supported living as long as possible.  She and his whole care team recognise what an intelligent man he is and how difficult it is for him to deal with his increasing confusion and inability to manage any of the things which he was able to do for so much of his life. 

His care team in his new home are so good with him; they really want to do everything possible to make his life the best it can be.  They treat him as an individual, sharing a laugh and joke, recognising his ready sense of humour.  They ask us questions to make sure that what they are doing or thinking of doing is something that he would enjoy; that he won’t feel that he is being talked down to.  They have recognised that his poor behaviour is driven by frustration at his inability to communicate and are learning the signs to look at for when he has had enough of something, or really doesn’t want to do something.  They read with him, play games, do creative things and help with his ever-growing library of scrap books of his life. He enjoys watching game shows with his housemate and the staff, often pointing when he knows an answer, and has regained his love of films, something that he lost interest in for a while.

Talking of films, we decided that it was time to empty the storage unit where we had stored his things after he moved out of his flat.  He had been paying a monthly rent for two years, the prices were going up and the units were moving to a less convenient place, so it seemed the right time to tackle everything.  We had moved the furniture either to Mum’s or to Richie’s new place, so all that was left were boxes of dvds and cds.  My daughter Connie came home for the weekend to help, it took three stuffed full carloads to move everything to Mum’s to began a huge sort out. There are films of many genres – childrens, family, rom-coms, sci-fi, comedies, horrors, thriller, action.  We sorted them into three main categories – 15/18 action/thrillers, 12/15 comedy and rom-coms; PG/U – children/family, and also put aside any box sets or series.  We estimated that there are over 2000 dvds and 100s of cds.  It took the whole weekend but we went through everything, creating a pile for Richie, Connie, myself and Mum.  There were many duplicates – there were 4 copies of ‘The ‘A’ Team’ film and I think Connie and I both have the set of Pitch Perfect 1,2 and 3!

I put a question out on a local sharing facebook site to see if people were interested in dvds and had a big response.  I am now slowly organising for those people to come to mum’s to have a rummage and take what they want.  Anything left after all of this will go charity and I will see if community centres etc. have a dvd sharing shelf and would like to add to their collections.   

I’m hoping that by the end of March they are all gone; so if anyone reading this still uses dvds and would like a rummage, please shout!

A month of mixed emotions

September 2023

September has been a real month of highs and lows. We have found a lovely place for Richie to live, but both Dad and Richie were in hospital for a considerable amount of the month. Sadly Dad wasn’t able to recover from his failing health and he passed away on 24^th September.

Gradually, Richie’s ‘episodes’ have been lasting for longer and he is confused and it takes him more time to come round.  One morning with a longer than usual one, Mum called an ambulance; the paramedics came, checked him over and monitored him but decided that there was no need to take him into hospital.  However, later that day when his carers were with him in the house, he had a really long one and was out for over 30 minutes which promoted the carers to insist he was taken into hospital for a check-up.  They have a policy of calling for an ambulance if one of their clients has a seizure which lasts for longer than 5 minutes.  Richie isn’t having ‘seizures’ as such but the carers considered that what was happening to him was the same thing so insisted that they carry out their policy, which is understandable.  After several hours in A&E which resulted in him being admitted, there followed a month long stay in hospital.  On the same day Dad was re-admitted to hospital because he was dangerously dehydrated, despite his carer’s best efforts to get him to eat and drink, so Mum and I took a patient each to sit with in A&E!  Dad was admitted first, I saw that he was settled in the evening then went home.  Mum ended up being in A&E for most of the night (she went home for a few hours while Richie slept) and Richie didn’t get a bed until early the next morning.

We settled into a visiting routine.  Conveniently they were on wards on the same floor so we could easily move between visits.  Richie was monitored every time he had an episode, so triggers could be identified.  He went on an ambulance ride to Southampton to have an EEG scan, wore a heart monitor for 24 hours and had regular blood pressure and blood sugar checks.  There was never an obvious link between an episode and something that happened immediately before it, but blood sugar was a possible links as he sometimes had them after a meal. It also seems that stress and confusion could be triggers; one evening when I was visiting and he was happy for me to be there, he wanted to go to the loo.  He got up and started walking but the wrong way.  I explained that he needed to go the opposite way and he didn’t like me correcting him.  A nurse tried to help him but he was showing signs of confusion and then just stopped and started to go into a slump.  We managed to stop him from falling, made him comfortable on the floor and waited for him to come round.  It didn’t take long and fortunately Mum came round the corner which made him relax.  I left them to it and went to visit Dad as I wasn’t really helping the situation.

Richie had wonderful care while he was in hospital but he did lose some of his abilities.  He started to find it more difficult to eat independently, sometime for speed a nurse would help him.  We would try to visit at mealtimes as much as possible so that we could encourage him to eat independently but we did worry as the weeks wore on that he would become institutionalised which would make any plan to find him a home even more difficult.

However, while all of this was going on, a space came up in a home which his social worker deemed very suitable for Richie.  I met with his social worker to discuss the property and arrange to have a visit.  I met with the manager and thought that the space was perfect for Richie.  He would be living with one other person, also with Down’s and diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, with one to one care in a small bungalow which felt very homely.  I gave my seal of approval straight away, but it was down to the manager meeting Richie, plus Mum and Richie visiting the home and feeling happy there.  The home team ended up visiting him in hospital where he was his usual charming self and won their hearts over!  The practicalities over, it was agreed that this could be the space for him but we were worried as all this time Richie was still in hospital.  They were reluctant for him to be discharged until he hadn’t had an episode for over 24 hours and he kept having one a day!   He was in for four weeks in all, before the discharge team were happy that he could go home and only then with a live-in carer because it is too much for Mum to look after him on her own.  

During this time, not only have we been dealing with working with Richie’s social worker to make the necessary arrangements for him to be accepted into the new home, which meant putting his case to a panel to have the additional funding approved, but also dealing with the emotional grief following the passing of our Dad.  Although he was elderly and very ill, and his passing wasn’t unexpected, it’s still a very sad time, and complicated, dealing with the funeral arrangements and admin, something that none of us have (fortunately) had to deal with before.   

But we seem to have managed, with the help of our family and friends, and after a couple of weeks of back and forth checking details, the space for Richie has been approved.  We are now just waiting for the final arrangements to be made, and the plan is for Richie to move in on the 6th November! 

His new room has been decorated, we have established which bits of his furniture that he needs to bring with him and everything is crossed that this will be his happy new home!

Late Summer

July/August 2023

Photos will eventually be at https://www.facebook.com/theimportanceofbeingrichie

The summer is almost over and the gap in writing is increasing.  There is so much but also so little to write about. 

We’re fast approaching September which marks the two-year anniversary since Richie got his diagnosis and what a change we have seen in him in that time.  The man we see daily has hints of who he used to be. Sometimes he laughs at something or gives a cheeky grin and Richie is there, but more often than not he looks sad and a bit lost.

We had a lovely moment a few weeks ago in the car.  Mum had been feeling unwell, a combination of stress, tiredness, probably not eating enough and generally doing way too much for a lady of her age, meant that she became light-headed and had an irregular heartbeat while she was swimming.  She settled down and felt ok after 24hrs of rest but sensibly got an appointment to get checked out by the doctor.  I drove her to the appointment with Richie in the car but there seemed little point all of us trekking up the stairs to the surgery, so Richie and I stayed in the car.  He was suspicious at first so I ignored him and put Magic Radio on which always plays favourites.  Gradually, he relaxed and laughed as I sang along (badly) to all the tunes.  He laughed and told me to shut up, and that I was wrong when I was guessing all the band names and song titles all wrong. We had about half an hour together without him wanting to run off which was lovely, although a lot of that is down to some medication which he is taking to help him be more relaxed.

We had hoped to have found somewhere for Richie to live by now.  The combination of Down’s and dementia is really tricky.  Many learning disability spaces can’t support the additional need of dementia and most dementia spaces can’t support Down’s and the fact that he is so much younger than a typical person at his stage of dementia. I did speak to a number of care homes about taking him but largely they only cater for elderly people with dementia and with Richie’s added learning disability they all came back to say that they wouldn’t be able to support his needs.

There was a space in a place just down the road which would have been ideal. The manager came to visit to meet us all, he seemed very positive and we really hoped this would be suitable.  Mum and Richie did visit and seemed to like it but we had to wait to hear as there were a few people looking at the space and the person they took had to be a fit for the rest of the residents. I had just arranged to visit when I had a call to say that the space had been taken.  So we are still looking.

Richie had been reacting badly more and more to spending time away from the house with carers.  Mum would get him ready, the carer would arrive and Richie would be reluctant to go despite him agreeing that he was going out.  I think the reality of the transition was too much, despite him being forewarned. After a few sessions of him being unpredictable the care company insisted that two carers always came.  But too many times they were returning home with stories of Richie being aggressive, or trying to run away or refusing to get in a car.  Eventually, the care company said that they were no longer able to take him out to his activities or shopping or appointments or for lunch.  So now they come to the house to be with him and Mum is able to use that time to go out or do something which doesn’t involve being with Richie.  She then takes him to all his activities because he doesn’t have any of the negative reactions with her.

In the middle of looking for places for Richie to live, in July, Dad had a fall which resulted in him spending seven weeks in hospital.  This changed all of our routines, Mum and I would visit every day – one of us doing the lunchtime slot and one nearer tea-time.  Mum would try to incorporate her visits along with Richie’s support workers being there for him.

During the time Dad was in hospital we were due to go to Jersey to celebrate our cousin’s 25^th wedding anniversary and her eldest being at home from Australia. Mum had arranged care for Dad at home, which was then cancelled when it became clear that Dad wouldn’t be discharged quickly.  She did talk about not coming to Jersey but the hospital told her to carry on with her plans.  She and Richie flew on the Thursday and flew back on the Tuesday so they had a lovely long break.  They stayed in a hotel close to my cousin’s and spent as much time with the family as possible.  Richie loved seeing everyone though got a bit overwhelmed after a while but luckily always had a quiet space to be able to go to.  He and Mum stayed for far more of the party then we thought they would be able to and they really enjoyed themselves. I was only there for the weekend (Saturday morning to Sunday evening) because of a busy schedule so it was only two days which neither Mum or I could visit Dad on and Mum arranged for two friends to cover those days.

On 25^th August Dad was discharged but only after a few days of conversations with social services, adult services, an OT and a care company to organise a live-in career for Dad.  This also meant reorganising the house so he had a bed downstairs.  Thank goodness for my cousin, Kareena who had arranged to visit that week!  She was warned that she would need to bring her muscles and between the two of us we transformed the downstairs living room into a bedroom!  We discovered a few gems while packing things from an old drinks cabinet which needed to be moved; and discovered that some of my parents’ furniture is very, very heavy!  Throughout all the changes Mum made sure that Richie understood what was going on and was going to be able to adapt to the change of having not only Dad back in the house but also another person living there.

While Kareena was over, with her daughter Brooke, our Auntie V, and Dash the dog, we went to Café Dome for lunch where Denny and others who know Richie were really pleased to see him.  After a lovely lunch, I took Mum home for a rest while Kareena, Brooke, Richie and Auntie V went for a walk in the park with Dash. Richie had a lovely time with them and it’s so important that he still enjoys spending time with wider family.  When they got back Richie had a rest while Kareena and I got on with the heavy lifting and room transformation.  It was hard work but so much easier having her there to help!

Richie settled in ok to having Dad and his carer, Phil, in the house.  However, Richie is having more and more of what we describe as ‘absences’.  These usually seem to be triggered by some sort of emotional upheaval or stress, such as an unexpected change to his routine or having to do something which he’s not keen on. They normally take the form of him just zoning out for a few minutes, and then coming round and being a bit sleepy.  Mum spends a lot of time keeping notes about what happens, possible triggers and how he is when he comes round, as well as asking the GP and psychiatrist for their help and advice.

Something has to change, Mum has accepted a live-in carer now for Dad, so maybe that could be the way forward for Richie, but it will be better if a space can be found in some suitable accommodation. His social worker is very much on the case for this to happen!

April in Ireland

April 2023

As before pictures are on our facebook page – https://www.facebook.com/theimportanceofbeingrichie

I’m aware that the gap between posts is getting longer.  It’s a combination of me being busier all the time but also because there is less happening in Richie’s life. 

However, he and Mum did have a holiday to Ireland in April, which they managed to achieve with the company and help of our dear friend and my next door neighbour, Di.

The plan was for me to take them to Southampton airport in plenty of time to get them checked in together for their flight to Dublin, and for Richie not to feel rushed at any point.  He is becoming less predictable and more likely to react badly in a situation which causes him anxiety or confusion.

On the morning of their departure, I collected Di then went to collect Mum and Richie.  He is continually suspicious of me now and wasn’t happy about being in the car but the holiday goal was enough to override that anxiety and off we went.  Check-in went smoothly, he was a bit hesitant going through security especially when the security officer wanted to pat down his pockets (he likes to keep a variety of things in his pockets and would have thought that he was trying to take them away) but they got through and Mum said it was very calm as they waited at the gate. 

They travelled from Dublin airport to their hotel in Athy in a taxi and got a hire car delivered to them there so that they could easily visit everyone.  The next few days were full of old friends who loved seeing Mum and Richie, welcomed Di as one of the family and generally had some wonderful reunions and visited old haunts  They went back to the first house we lived in, apparently just wandering up the drive and introducing themselves to the current occupants!

Richie has strong memories and emotions around Ireland. He was born in Dublin so has always considered himself an Irishman. After we moved from Ireland, Richie travelled back on his own every year for a holiday with the May family, his Irish family who loved him so much when we lived there and who he loved equally.  Di became the chief photographer and everyday updated me with how they were getting on and who they were visiting.  It was a trip down memory lane for them but also for me as I recognised a variety of faces and places from my childhood.

It was also an emotional time for everyone who met Richie as he is so different from the man they remember.  He was always the life and soul of the party and his holidays there were filled with fun and laughter and chat; the man who met them with smiles and hugs of joy and recognition but who then sat silently watching, must have been difficult to make sense of.   

When I collected them from Southampton at the end of their trip, I hoped that the absence of me for almost a week may have been good and that Richie would have greeted me like he did when he got back from his Go Beyond holiday last October.  Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case and he ran off as soon as he saw me!  So I took their bags and left Mum and Di to bring him out of the airport to the car park, where I left all the doors open for them to get in before climbing in the driver’s seat and driving off!  Richie wasn’t particularly happy for the whole journey home!

Having to be at his beck and call as virtually the only person who he responds well to, is having an effect on Mum’s health.  She had a turn at the airport which needed paramedics to assess if she was ok to fly (she was) and for several days after they returned home she was very tired, her blood pressure was being monitored and she was having an unusual heartbeat.  She settled quickly back into her routine with Richie though and he is better in his own familiar surroundings. 

He is becoming more and more withdrawn and reluctant to do things with anyone other than Mum. This can cause a variety of difficulties, the main one being that Mum is always on alert to helping him; not really how you should be living your life at her time of life.  It has also recently caused Richie to react badly with a support worker while out shopping and for him to refuse to get in a car after a routine hospital appointment. 

For me, seeing the affect on Mum’s health when they returned from Ireland, highlighted the extreme need for Richie to be cared for by someone else and somewhere else so that Mum has time to relax and enjoy things for herself. He has been given a new social worker so I spoke to her to try to hurry along any processes which were being handed over from Vicky his previous one.  She seems to have things under control, has arranged a visit with Richie and Mum, and is looking into living possibilities in the area. I really hope that we can find somewhere suitable soon.  It will be a wrench for both Richie and Mum but ultimately is the better solution.

Go Beyond Special!

March 2023

I realised that I completely forgot to give Go Beyond a mention in the February edition. So I figured that they should have a special post just for them!

Just before Christmas I had a message from Ian, one of the directors, to ask if it would be ok to mention Richie and use a photo of him from their October Provence holiday, in an article in The Times!  As Richie loves to see himself in print I had no hesitation in agreeing!  One of the volunteers, Verity, is a journalist who wrote an article about her time volunteering with them. The article appeared in The Sunday Times’ travel section on 5^th February and as I suspected Richie was delighted to see himself in there!   I think he now holds the achievement of being the first in our family to appear in the national press!!

It’s a beautiful article, explaining exactly what makes every Go Beyond holiday so special.  You can read it here: https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/d74fc27c-a2f8-11ed-9d5c-69bd3c5b98b3

Go Beyond holidays have been an amazing addition to Richie’s life.  He has loved every minute of every holiday he has had with them – the new adventures, having fun, learning new skills, making new friends, sight-seeing, being active.  Neil and Ian and everyone involved in making these holidays possible are brilliant.  Over the last few years as they have expanded from Go Provence to Go Beyond, the holidays have become more and more exciting with new adventures in places like Norway and Morocco.  The WhatsApp group which all Go Beyond travellers join, is full of excited comments from those who are going on, or just returned from a holiday.  There are also regular suggestions for places across the world where people want to travel! 

Sadly, I think that Richie’s Provence holiday will have been his last one as his needs change and he requires and more support. There is a holiday in Ireland this year and he would have jumped at the chance of going there and telling everyone about his connection with Ireland.  However, it’s a touring holiday and just getting him up and ready in the morning in time to leave would be a monumental challenge without the constantly changing landscape each day.  He would struggle and probably be a bit ‘lost’ for a lot of the time.  Richie and Mum are going to Ireland independently though in April, and I know he is excited about that.

I wish I could find the many postcards which Rich has sent over the years telling me how much fun he was having. I rarely throw anything like that away so there will be some somewhere and I will find them! 

He is always, always happy to see Neil and Ian whom he regards as his buddies.  We show him all the videos Neil sends; whether it’s to say hi to everyone, or remind people about all the fabulous holidays that are on offer, or just to show off another amazing location they are at. Richie’s reaction is always one of pure joy at seeing their faces on screen! Thank you for all giving him these opportunities over the many years you have known him.

And if you’re in the UK and ever find yourself at a loose end in Hampshire…the kettle’s always on!

2023 – well underway

January/February 2023

As before pictures are on our facebook page – https://www.facebook.com/theimportanceofbeingrichie

It’s hard to believe that we’re already through January and February in this new year. Too late to wish everyone a Happy New Year!  I’m not always sure where the time goes these days.  There always seems so much to cram in and that’s without doing so much with Richie anymore.

January started well with Richie happy to continue to spend time with his Auntie Mary. He reluctantly said good bye to her on the 5^th as she flew to Scotland to spend time with family there.  She returned to us before heading back to South Africa and Richie was delighted to see her again before saying a proper goodbye a few days later.  He and Mum took the Christmas decorations down and felt the quietness of the house without Mary.  He then started to get back into his usual routine with his various clubs which he still enjoys attending though he doesn’t always join in like he did.

On his first Monday back, Mum was due to go to her monthly Inner Wheel meeting so I said that I would take him and his support to his Monday club.  Unfortunately, some of his support workers don’t drive and it’s too long a walk for them so someone has to give them a lift there and back.  When I arrived, they were sitting looking through some of Richie’s scrapbooks, so I quietly said I was there then waited for them to say they were ready.  After half an hour, I knocked to see why they hadn’t come out and got told that he didn’t want to come out yet.  So, I waited again for a little while, then slipped a note under the door to say that I might as well go home because it was clear he wasn’t coming out.  A note came back to say that Richie was refusing to let the support worker leave the room!  I called through the door to say to Richie that he needed to move away from the door so I could speak to his support but he absolutely refused and I had to gently push the door open explaining to Rich that he had to allow her to open the door. Richie didn’t like that and ran out shouting at me! It was distressing for us all and made me realise that there is no point me trying to round to help mum because it just distresses Richie too much.

Mum and I thought maybe a chat with all three of us in a neutral space might help but it’s difficult because he just doesn’t engage unless someone else like my girls or my cousins are there.  Then he’s absolutely fine with me!

I don’t know what the answer is but it’s just another layer of difficulty.  Richie’s general behaviour isn’t too erratic and Mum keeps him in a routine throughout his day along with his support workers.  He enjoys a rest in the afternoon but sometimes doesn’t want to get up again and I think Mum has ended up with him having dinner very late when he does finally decide to get up!  She is able to go out to choir every Wednesday evening as that bit of care provision works, as well as various times during the day when support workers do things with him.  Mum and his support are gradually building up his collection of scrap books which he loves looking through with anyone who is happy to look with him.  And he sometimes enjoys colouring and recently got some new pens which is very happy with.

As I can’t help with daily things because Richie doesn’t want me around, I do help with other things. I deal with Richie’s finances and admin type things that Mum and Dad needs like Dad’s recent tax return.  I can book and order things, collect prescriptions for them all – practical stuff which at least helps a bit. 

Mum got busy with Richie in January adding a few touches to his bedroom after I had installed his desk and tv. They chose some pictures to put up and made sure his lovely Star Wars bedspread was taking pride of place on his bed. Richie is really happy with his room, and enjoys spending time there. He listens to music while he settles down for his afternoon nap and in the evening while he is getting ready for bed.

Recently, I spent a Sunday afternoon ‘sitting’ for Richie.  He was due to go to the Anvil with Mum and a friend of hers, for an afternoon concert but he fell asleep and didn’t want to wake up.  Mum phoned in a panic because she couldn’t go unless someone could be in the house.  Luckily, I had just walked into the house from a Sunday morning walk, so I was able to go straight there.  Richie slept for some of the time but when he did wake and I said there was a drink and a piece of cake waiting for him, it took him about 45 mins to navigate his way to them whilst trying his utmost to avoid making any contact with me.  He had just about decided that I might be ok when Mum came back!  It would be funny if it wasn’t so sad!

On a brighter note, we had a beautiful lunch in February with my cousin Kareena, Auntie V and Georgie who all manged to join us.  Dad decided he didn’t want to lunch with us, so it was Mum, Richie and I who went with them to the Hoddington Arms in Upton Grey.  It was so nice there, the food, the welcome, the general atmosphere; we sat for a good few hours catching up as we hadn’t seen Kareena or Auntie V since before Christmas.  Richie loved seeing them both, and his niece Georgie.  He was very cuddly with Kareena and shared lots of laughs with us all.  When he is enjoying sharing a joke, he lights up and we get a beautiful glimpse of his old self before he retreats back into his other world.

Mum and I had a meet up in the park a week or so later, to see if Richie was happier to se me outside of our houses.  He smiled and acknowledged me when he saw me walking towards them, but as soon as I got there he looked less happy and retreated back into himself.  We had brought some sandwiches to eat so we sat on a bench and ate but Richie didn’t want to engage with me at all.  Mum and I chatted and when it was time to go, I just gave Richie a big wave and said I’d see him soon.

We are supposed to have a monthly CPA meeting which allows us to chat to all of his care providers in one place.  The last few of these have been cancelled – once by Mum because she realised she wasn’t able to cope with being in a meeting and have dad’s support there and a new support who was due to arrive for Richie, but two meetings have been cancelled by them with very little notice.  The next one is on the 3 March and I don’t think we’ve all talked since the beginning of December, so this meeting feels like it’s very important.  We need to ensure that things are being done to look at Richie’s future needs but also things that could be being done to help him and Mum now. 

There was a lovely moment yesterday when I went to see everyone and help with a few technical things that Mum said weren’t working. They were having lunch but Richie got up and welcomed me with a big smile and a beautiful hug!  A perfect end to the month!

Merry Christmas – two for the price of one!

November and December 2022

Happy New Year! As before pictures are on our facebook page – https://www.facebook.com/theimportanceofbeingrichie

Once again, finding time to sit and write has been difficult as there has been so much going on. So, this episode is a bumper two months special!

There have been many highs in the last couple of months along with some really sad times where we see Rich gradually disappearing.  At the moment, he always seems to come back from these periods but I guess they will become fewer and further apart as his Alzheimer’s progresses.

One of the positive things has been his engagement with the respite centre.  He attended a few individual days for a meal and a short stay of a couple of hours before doing one overnight.  This went off fairly smoothly, so then he stayed for two nights at the beginning of December with another two nights booked in for the end of the month.  He has a super key worker who is keen to make sure she can help him get the most out of his visits there, apparently after some brief anxiety while Mum left, he became his usual charming self and everyone absolutely loved him!  Which is great! And it means that at least for a couple of nights each month Mum will have a night off, which is so important as Richie’s needs become more and more time consuming.  He is sometimes restless overnight; sometimes wakes very early in the morning; all of which is exhausting for the person (Mum) who is looking after him 24 hours a day.

Over the last month or so Rich agreed that his bedroom could do with a bit of a change.  When he first moved back home last December, we set him up in one bedroom with another bedroom as his ’den’ with his tv and computer in it.  However, this hasn’t really been the best set up so we discussed putting everything in one room for him which we thought might make it feel a bit more like his old room in his flat.  He agreed, so I moved the tv and put it up on the wall, took the spare bed from his room apart and swapped it for his desk from the storage unit.  We added his bookcase and he was over the moon with the changes.

Once thing that Mum has noticed is that he is increasingly aware of his new limitations and that makes him very unhappy.  Mum has woken up to hear him crying during the night, and sometimes during the day he goes for a lie down and either cries or just stares at the ceiling. He continues to not want to be around me, though is happy for me to do things which help him, such as moving furniture, and he always thanks me for doing things.  He absolutely refuses to come into my house so Mum and I agreed that we wouldn’t keep trying as it just causes everyone too much upset.

He also had a similar reaction to one of his support workers so Mum had to ask that she wasn’t allocated to him.  However, he has several support workers who he has a great relationship with.  One day, Mum was out and he had one of his favourites on the rota but unfortunately she doesn’t drive and he needed to get to one of his clubs so I said I would take them.  As anticipated he wasn’t happy to get in my car while I was in it, so I stood out of sight while he and the support worker got in!  Then I drove them like a chauffeur and he happily waved goodbye to me when they got out!

However, on some outings he is absolutely happy to be with me!  We had an amazing trip to Kew Gardens in November, as a Christmas present from Georgie, to see the Christmas lights. It was Mum and I, both his nieces and their friend Charlotte who is like one of the family.  I drove him and Mum to Kew, where we met the others and then had a couple of hours absorbed in the beautiful lights and music.  So much of the music was from films and Richie recognised a lot of them.  Particularly in one section where it was the Home Alone music, and he was trying to get the words out for ages before one of the girls also recognised it and there were smiles and hugs all round.  At the end there was a section on the lake and one of the songs was ‘Let it go’ from Frozen which we all sang our hearts out to.  He was happy to hold my hand and laugh with me but next time I saw him, he reverted to watching me suspiciously!

I took him to our local theatre, The Haymarket, one night in November to see Shrek the Musical which was being performed by BATS, our local group. It was a superb show, with all the favourite characters from the film which is one of Richie’s favourites.  He wasn’t too sure about it being just me and him, and didn’t relax particularly well in the first half, but when I suggested an ice-cream in the interval his whole demeanour changed and we were best mates for the second half where he laughed a lot at what was happening on stage and happily got in my car for me to take him home.

Mum has been able to go to her weekly choir practise now that she has evening support on a Wednesday, and her concert was at the end of November.  The plan was for me and Richie to go, along with a couple of friends who always love these concerts.  However, Richie eventually said he didn’t want to go, I think because he knew that Mum wouldn’t be with him.  She thought about not singing but that was ridiculous as it is something she loves and gets so much from, so I stayed at home with Dad and Richie. Rich was happy enough helping me to chop vegetables for tea, set the table while dinner cooked and eat with Dad and I, but as soon as it was over he went upstairs!

As always, Mum’s weeks are taken up with an assortment of appointments for various health reasons – either for her, Dad or Richie.  Sometimes I’m exhausted just listening to what is going on!  I’m still trying to work out how we can have more support for Richie so that Mum isn’t doing as much but I’m drawing a blank at how it could work.  His social worker is trying to find a suitable place for him to live but I’m not holding out much hope for this to be a quick process.  So, Mum continues to liaise with his support team to get the best possible advice and support for his ever-changing needs.  After months of waiting he finally had some speech therapist visits but the outcome of these seems sketchy and I’m not sure what benefit they really were.  In my mind, he needs someone who can work with him at least once a week to help him continue to make the sounds and shapes of words which are there in his head but which he can’t get out without help.  I would do it if he would engage with me!  We now have monthly meetings with the LD team which is great to keep up to date and discuss his changing needs.

I attended a really interesting talk about Down’s and dementia run by the DSA over zoom. It was for families and carers and highlighted a few areas which I didn’t know or understand much about, as well as making me realise where Richie was in the stages of progression.

The big event leading up to Christmas was the arrival of Mary or GAM as she is known, our 89-year old aunt from South Africa.  I visited her in the summer as she hadn’t been very well and had had a couple of falls and related injuries but she rang to say she was feeling so much better and really wanted to spend Christmas with us!  It was an upheaval for us in terms of where she was going to stay, Mum wasn’t sure how she would fit into their needy household, so when she arrived on December 20^th she stayed with me up till Christmas Day but then I was going skiing, a trip already planned before she announced she was coming so she had to move to Mum’s.

However, I think all the upheaval was worth it for the look on Richards face when he saw her for the first time in many years!  He absolutely lit up and couldn’t stop smiling and cuddling her!  We had a couple of lovely outings before Christmas – to see The Wizard of Oz in Winchester, where we had dinner in a lovely Italian first, and then to our second Christmas lights experience, this time closer to home at West Green House near Hook.  Once again, Richie really enjoyed himself.

Just before Mary arrived, Richie had a lovely visit from Matthew, his old flatmate and his family and was really pleased to see them all and have a cuppa and some cake!  And on the day Mary was due to arrive, Mum and Richie took a trip on the train to Oxford to see our brother David.  They had a smooth trip and Mum was very excited to tell me that she had finally been able to use the blue key, which I had bought after our trip to Norfolk, in a disabled toilet!

Christmas Day went reasonably smoothly and Richie really enjoyed himself.  He helped Mary prep the vegetables and show off his chopping skills and at dinner we had a range of antlers and sparkly things to wear on our heads and he chuckled at jokes and ate well…we all did!  We left present opening till the evening when we were all sitting quietly, so we could help Richie but not overwhelm while he opened his.  We had, as a family, agreed to not to buy lots of presents for each other but everyone had got Richie something.  He had some amazing Star Wars related gifts, including a mug with his face as Darth Vader and a beautiful cushion with a picture or all of us on the trip to Norfolk all of which he loved.  However, it did all become to much for him in the end and he took himself off to bed.

On Boxing Day, we left him in the hands of Mum and Mary, as his niece Georgie set off on a trip to Australia in the morning, while Connie and I packed the car to leave in the evening for our trip to the Alps to ski.

While we were away, Richie had two nights at the respite home to go to, Dad had two nights with support which meant that Mum and Mary had two nights to go away and have some time together as sisters who hadn’t seen each other for five years.  I booked them a hotel, near Newbury so it wasn’t too far, but it turned out to be a very busy hotel, beautiful but very busy, and Mary was exhausted after the Christmas chaos so she slept a lot while Mum explored the hotel and read.  With the added stress of a tyre slowly going flat on the way there it wasn’t quite the relaxing break that I had anticipated for them…but it’s the thought that counts …right?

On to October

October 2022

(Once again photos for this month are up on the facebook page) https://www.facebook.com/theimportanceofbeingrichie/

The most important thing this month (apart from mine and his niece Connie’s birthdays!!) was Richie’s holiday to Province! We weren’t 100% sure he would be able to go on it, pretty much right up to the day they met at Heathrow, because his slightly unpredictable behaviour meant we weren’t sure if he even wanted to go.  He said he did but then seemed to think that Mum was going with him and we did wonder if he might refuse to go without her.  We need not have worried about any of that because he was absolutely delighted to get to Heathrow and overjoyed to see his old friends from Go Beyond.

Before the holiday though we had my birthday and a family visit from our cousin Lyn, who arrived from Jersey to stay for a couple of days while she had an operation on her hand.   She came via Brighton where her youngest, Emma, has just started uni and travelled on a weekend of train strikes which meant there were limited trains.  She could easily get as far as Guildford so Richie and I said that we could go and pick her up.  He was really excited to see his cousin, but on the way home when we started to talk about his holiday he got a bit overwhelmed.  Perhaps the enormity of it started to sink in and he was quite agitated by the time we got home.  He quickly recovered though and enjoyed spending time with his cousin. Her op was successful and she went to recuperate with her mum, our Auntie V, while we finished Richie’s packing ready for the big day.

Mum and I took him to Heathrow, T5, where he was really excited to meet everyone he was going to holiday with.  Ian, Neil and the team met the group there ready to travel to France with them.  It was lovely to meet some other families and see the reconnection of so many of them with the team who offer such amazing holiday experiences.  Rich was his fabulously charming self, and the joy on his face when the team started to arrive was beautiful.  Neil, who was going to be his main support for the week was the last to arrive and Richie practically threw himself into Neil’s arms when he saw him!  For me it was the first time I had physically met any of the team, despite having spoken to them and been part of the WhatsApp groups on a number of holidays and it was great to finally meet them. Mum and I breathed a sigh of relief as they went off to check-in.

Mum could now relax for a week, she was even able to go and stay in London with her granddaughter Georgie for a couple of nights to see her new flat and go to a couple of shows.  They both had a wonderful time, Mum enjoyed discovering a bit of East London and Georgie enjoyed some G’ma time.

As usual, the Go Beyond team kept in touch throughout the week with lots of photos of the group and their activities. The weather looked beautiful for the whole week. The villa looked to be in a wonderful location near the Gorge de Verdun with beautiful surroundings and an outdoor space for lots of games and discos. One day they went for a woodland walk and picnic, another saw then having an exciting ride in 4 x 4 vehicles. They also had the opportunity to canoe on a lake, which Richie chose to enjoy watching. Some of the group enjoyed some strenuous hilltop walks while others took the gentler approach and explored the local town, stopping for drinks and ice-cream! They also visited an art gallery where Richie apparently charmed the guide! All in all, it looked like they all had a fabulous time!

A week later, I returned to Heathrow to collect Richie.  He came through arrivals being pushed in a wheelchair, all smiles and arms in the air to welcome the world! Richie is a very slow walker and it’s a long way from the gates in terminal 5 so the wheelchair was very sensible and meant that Neil and Richie could keep up with the group.  After some hugs and thanks and a lot of smiles, we were on our way home. Thank you Go Beyond for continuing to be able to support Richie. https://www.gobeyondholidays.com/

Life then settled back into its usual mildly chaotic routine.  I had hoped after Richie’s hugely warm welcome when he got back from France, that he would be more amenable to me but the first time he and Mum decided to come round to mine with a gift from his holiday for me, he was back to being reluctant to come in.  It is just the way things are, but it makes it more difficult for me to share some of the care load if he doesn’t want to spend any time with me!

From a medical point of view this month, Richie had a long overdue Speech and Language assessment.  One of the effects of his dementia is the loss of his ability to use his words. He is limited to individual words and finds many of them difficult to say but can repeat words and read them and gets better with repetition.  I think that he would benefit from some regular therapy to help keep this part of his ability functioning so we are hopeful that the assessment along with discussion from the Learning Disability nurse will get something in place.

Mum and I had a Teams meeting with Richie’s LD nurse, his social worker and his psychiatrist where we all updated our various thoughts and reports on Richie’s current and future needs.  It was agreed that he will need to move into residential care so the social worker will start to put this into place as it will take some time to find the right place. In the meantime, he has been approved for overnight stays at Hindson House, a respite centre in Basingstoke and arranged his first mealtime visit there for the end of October.  He will do a couple of these before his first overnight stay.   

As well as this, Richie now has regular sessions at the Move Suite in the Sports Centre in town.  This is an exercise suite designed for gentle exercise on a series of machines which Richie can access with the support of one of his support workers.  He really enjoyed being in there for his assessment and it’s a benefit to keep his joints and muscles moving and flexible. The booking system is a bit unfriendly which means his support can’t book a week in advance at the end of one session and means another thing for Mum to do each week but she has got to grips with the online system now.

Rich continues to enjoy his Mencap activities and went to the Irish centre for a Halloween party where he met his hero Darth Vader! Mum said he really enjoyed the whole evening, lots of people were in fancy dress, he wore black and his Scream mask for the occasion!

Mum and Richie also went to watch the Mencap performance which was held at the Viables Centre.  He would usually have taken part in this but hasn’t got back into going to the Tuesday evening classes since he ran off in August and his subsequent recuperation from that. They really enjoyed seeing everyone perform though and said it was a great evening.

And so, onwards into November and the beginning of everything Christmas!

Suddenly it’s September

September 2022!

September is the beginning of two months of seven close family birthdays starting with Chloe’s on 13 September and finishing with Connie’s on 21 October. It includes our Dad’s on 25 September so obviously tea and cake was the order of that day!

All those birthdays also mean that we’re heading towards the end of the year and it feels like it has flown by! It’s been a month of changes for us, as we explored Richie’s health and looked at what things could be put into place to improve his well-being. 

After his ‘disappearing act’ last month, he and Mum had many appointments at the hospital and doctor to check up on his well-being.  Physically he took a few weeks to heal his various scratches and bruises but psychologically it has taken longer for him to get settled back into his usual routine.  He has been reluctant to go to his usual activities and even a quick visit to the local shops to pick something up has ended in a panic attack which manifests itself as Richie freezing and being unable to move for a period of time.  Throughout the month this response has improved, he has become more like his old relaxed self and started to go to and join in with some of his clubs but it has taken a lot of time and patience from Mum and all his support workers.  Mum was really pleased when he wanted to come back to church with her and he enjoyed a really warm welcome from everyone there, many of whom have known him for many years.

We also met with his new social worker this month and she did a carers assessment with Mum to look at Richie’s changing needs.  He responded really well to her; wanting to answer her questions and confirm details of his needs. Following on from this we had an initial visit to Audley’s Day Centre to see if that was somewhere Richie could go to engage with activities and peers plus she put in place an appointment with a respite home, Hindson House, in Basingstoke and we then met with their assessor.  Audley’s Day Centre is a great place, next to Audley’s Wood Hotel.  It has superb facilities and lots of interesting things going on.  Richie engaged with the whole visit until we got to the café area for a cuppa.  Then he did his freezing and took about 10 minutes to recover.  When he sat up and started taking notice of things again, he spotted someone he knew from Café Dome which meant we left on a positive note but we’re still not sure if he will take up a space there.  There have been so many things going on we haven’t really had time to discuss it!

However, things moved quite quickly as far as the respite home are concerned and he had an initial visit at the end of the month to have a look round and meet some of the staff.  It’s a really great place; next he will go there for a few hours at a mealtime before having one overnight.  If all of that goes well, then we can start to book a few overnights which will give Mum some much need respite and give Richie a different ‘holiday’ environment to be in having fun with some peers.

He also had the opportunity to go to the gym at the end of this month and learnt how to use some equipment in the move suite of The Sports Centre. This is especially designed for gentle exercise in a quiet environment and it is hoped it can become a weekly things for Rich and a support worker to go to and enjoy. He certainly enjoyed his first visit and is booked in for a second so that’s good sign!

Over the last few months Richie’s behaviour towards me has changed.  He often decides that is not so keen on me; sometimes he welcomes me with a smile and a hug; other times he mutters ‘oh no’ when he sees me and turns his back or goes into another room!  He managed to tell Mum that it is because I get cross with him – I don’t really but I’m not as patient as Mum and I also wondered if it was memories of me organising him back at the flat during all the lockdowns, and getting him to do things like sort out his room which he didn’t really want to do but we had to!  Mum has a very patient and gentle approach; I am not as naturally patient so probably come across as bossy because I want to get things done!

It has gradually got better this month and the majority of time he engages with me. He was especially happy with me when I delivered his ID badge.  Before he ran off overnight, my friend John had started designing an identity badge for him, with his picture and some contact details so that if he did get lost he would be able to ‘tell’ people who he is and who to contact.  Once they were finalised, I got them printed and laminated in Rymans (very helpful staff in the Basingstoke branch). He now has one on a lanyard to hang round his neck and others in various pockets and his wallet.  He absolutely loved them and couldn’t thank me and John enough!  The lanyard goes on every morning and he’s very proud of it!

Richie has also been reluctant to come to my house, often sitting in the car if Mum is popping round.  Towards the end of the month he came into the house but was tired so instantly dozed off on the sofa.  About 45 minutes later after Mum and I had had a cuppa, I went in to ask if he wanted to help me mow the lawn as it was a job he used to do and enjoy every week for Mum and Dad.  He said yes, so we went with it, he came out and once I had started up the mower he set off.  It was amazing how his muscle memory meant that he instantly knew how to press the handle down to engage the blade and get the mower moving.  It’s a huge heavy petrol one so I walked alongside ready to grab the handle if it got too much.  He tended to veer to the right all the time but it didn’t matter and most importantly he really, really enjoyed himself!

It has seemed to strike a new and improved balance with him and me!  The next thing is getting him ready for his holiday in Province at the beginning of October.  I am taking him to the airport which he says he is happy with but I think we will wait and see!

PS Apologies for the lack of photos – I still haven’t worked out how to make room on the wordpress storage without losing all the photos in earlier posts. They are on the facebook page so please have a look there https://www.facebook.com/theimportanceofbeingrichie

Two very different months!

July/August 2022

As I write it is almost the end of August and I haven’t actually had time to write about July’s adventures while August’s ones are well and truly underway, as many of you will have seen recently! (And I’m sorry for the lack of photos but there’s a storage issue I need to sort out! For now, I will post photos on the facebook page – https://www.facebook.com/theimportanceofbeingrichie )

July saw Mum and Richie preparing for and managing to go on a holiday to Edinburgh.  They decided that travelling by rail would be the easiest way, providing everything went smoothly, so I looked at the best journey and managed to get a route to Edinburgh which only meant one change at Birmingham New Street and the return, changing at Wolverhampton.  The times were good, leaving mid-morning both times and arriving late afternoon.  Richie’s behaviour is ever changing so Mum was a little apprehensive about going, but also they were both looking forward to, and needed, the change of scene. 

Living as they do, with both Dad and Richie needing care for different reasons, makes a lot of the time quite challenging for Mum as she juggles who needs her most along with things she needs to do for herself.

On the morning they were due to leave, I dropped them at the station and you could see how excited Richie was to be going away!  He practically ran through the ticket barriers, waving with a big smile on his face.  They had a great journey, the change of trains worked well with the assistance that Mum had arranged and the hotel they were staying in was only a short walk from Waverley Station in the centre of Edinburgh so was easy to get to. They had a fabulous week, visiting extended family and friends, and enjoying spending time together without the usual day to day pressures. 

Dad was at home with a live-in carer and had everything he needed so Mum could have a break from worrying about and organising him!

A week or so before they went Georgie, my oldest was visiting and we decided to take Richie for a bike ride. We took one bike so that one of us was walking too, as sometimes Richie needs a bit of help and if we all had bikes it gets more complicated. He set off up the road with Georgie, loving the fact that I had to jog along to keep up. We got as far as the Memorial Park where Georgie and I swapped, then after a couple of false starts, Richie set off across the grass and was absolutely flying along! I kept up and Georgie ran to try and get some photos! He stopped for a breather at one point then set off again and was really enjoying trying to race with me! I think he loved the sense of freedom he got from cycling across the grass, not having to worry about stopping to go down a kerb, or at a junction etc. In the end Georgie and I had to almost corral him into a corner to get him to stop when it was time to head off to mine for lunch!

As Mum and Richie returned from Scotland and got settled back into their routine, suddenly it was August!  They were looking forward to going to the theatre on the first Saturday after they got back to see the version of We Will Rock You which I had been involved with producing, as BATS Next Gen dipped their toe into the world of summer school.  I had already booked tickets for my annual weekend at Wickham festival so I wasn’t actually there for the performances but had been involved with the two weeks of rehearsals leading up to them.  It was being performed at Central Studio, part of QMC where Richie went to college and where he used to enjoy performing and hanging out, so he always loves going there.  I was sorry not to have seen his reaction to being there but they went along with my next-door neighbour who is a great friend, and they all loved it!

The next bit of excitement was Richie’s birthday.  Last year for his 50^th we had a lovely party for him but this year, it was a much lower key thing, with lunch at The Orchard Café where one of his Mencap buddies, Matt, works part-time.  As has become the norm recently, it was a beautiful sunny day, and Matt had reserved a table in the shade for us.  Richie enjoyed opening some presents and cards, and we ate delicious sandwiches and cakes!  It was the first time I had been to the café and I thoroughly recommend it! Shortly after lunch I had to head off as I had a flight to catch to go to South Africa to visit our aunt Mary, Mum’s sister. 

Obviously, I was excited to go and see Mary and have a holiday with her but I’m also acutely aware of how hard Mum has to work and that when I am not around I can’t take any of the load off her.  There is always something, picking up prescriptions, arranging appointments, and while there are periods of time when Richie’s or Dad’s support is there and helping, there are many more times when it is just Mum, Richie and Dad with only Mum being the one who is able to really do anything.

Richie had been allocated a new social worker a little while ago as for the last couple of years we have had a temporary cover who has been a great help but not dedicated to Richie. Mum had in her diary a note that the new social worker was going to meet Richie in the second week of August but then had a call from Social Services to say this would be at the beginning of September.  The beginning of August was just the date that she was allocated to Richie!  I struggle to keep up with how some systems work, but the good news is that he will have a dedicated person who will get to know him and help with his needs.

His needs have become so much greater and it is so sad to see Richie become a shell of the man he was.  He was so capable and it’s only now that he isn’t able to express himself and struggles in so many different ways, that I look back and realise how lucky we have been for many years with how independent he was.  He has changed so much in a relatively short space of time; physically with slower movement, less strength and mentally with processing information, speech, mood swings, confusion and anxiety.  His sense of humour is still there but needs more prompting.  If he is happy and relaxed he will slowly get on with various jobs in the kitchen like putting away dishes, helping chop up vegetables and he can still do daily routine things but is much slower.  He is extremely vulnerable and just how vulnerable was highlighted on the evening of the 16^th August when he disappeared from home.

Richie has been having some panicky moments, and if there is a situation which he doesn’t like, he wants to just get away from it.  No-one is too sure why he ran as Mum said he had been anxious but had then calmed down, but he ran, literally while her back was turned. He doesn’t move fast as a rule so the speed with which he disappeared was unexpected.  There followed just over 12 hours of intense worry while the police, Hampshire search and rescue, Richie’s care company and many of our wonderful friends went out searching for him.  He was eventually found, a bit battered and bruised, but happily ok.  Mum and he spent a few hours in A&E where he was given the all clear and sent home.  The police and his care company both released his details on Twitter and Facebook which were then shared by many people and ultimately, he was found by the power of social media and the kindness of people. The people who found him, just happened to notice something unusual in their garden and when they saw Richie, they realised who it was because they had seen that he was missing.  

From my position thousands of miles away in South Africa, I was overwhelmed by the support we were shown throughout the night, by close friends and family who know and care about Richie, and also from people who didn’t know us at all but who had seen he was missing and wanted to help.  The relief when I had a message to say that he had been found, to then speaking to someone to confirm that ‘yes, that was true’ is impossible to put into words.

All of the family would like to thank everyone who shared the information which raised the awareness to help find Rich; everyone who went out in the dark and walked the streets; everyone who asked for details of his favourite places or suggested organisations who could help so they could narrow down the search and really, simply just everyone for their overwhelming kindness.

Thank you.